It’s a month into 2013
How come in a month my life has turned upside down
Because I decided on new years I would completely give God this year
I said YES to the Lord of all Creation
And he has already turned my whole world upside down
Trusting him is everything to me
He holds my whole world
And I cannot love him enough
He loves me too much
But it all works out in the end
This year is my year of saying yes to God
It is already starting to be the best year of my life
I cannot wait to see how he will chase me down with love
I dare you.
Say yes to God.
You will realize that he has your best interests at heart.
He knows your heart.
Your heart lines up with his so trust it.
I am a princess
Taken away from my world
Away from my King and my Prince
A world I never knew
I have seen glimpse of my world of where I am to be
One day I will be there for all of eternity
I am here for a moment
Here to fulfill my destiny planned by my King
Although no one truly knows I am royalty
I get told I don’t belong here and I obtain an unearthly beauty
They are true which is hard to believe
In my head I believe but my heart takes more time
But I am learning I hold something special
A beauty that is rarely seen on this planet
We are too afraid to hold this beauty
But I am learning I have to
As I said I have seen glimpse of my world here on earth
I have seen pictures of beautiful things
Things that can possibly be earthy but are similar to earth
Like my crown and my dress and the eyes of my King
Things that you would die to see
My crown is unique and elegant like me
It has a beauty I have never seen
Few have seen it but those who do barely have words to describe its wonder
I have seen crystal lakes that sparkle like ice
And seen gems bigger then my eyes can understand
These things are unimaginable here
But we have glimpse all around us
The thing is we all belong there
And this place is not mythical or imaginary
The place we were created for
That place our souls long to be
Although your soul cannot put to words to tell you, you belong there
But you do believe it or not
Heaven is a place that holds more wonder then earth
Places on earth are a mystery to us too
One day we will behold and take in all of its beauty
Until then catch the glimpse here and keep longing to see our beautiful King.
Moving on is what I seem to be doing
Not because of you and not because of me
I was told it was the right choice
I have been stuck in obsession
That has masked its self in love
I have been trapped most of my life
The whole world is doing
So I regarded it as acceptable
Even after being told time and time again it was not
I now is my time of finding true love
It is such a rare thing on this lost planet
I am going to find it and I am well on my way
I have gone to Love himself
The Creator of love, the lover of the Earth
Now is my season to lay down hurt and infatuation
It is now a time of healing and being romanced
Loved until my heart is fully content and overflowing
It is a choice to lay down the world
To reject their view of love which is not love at all
I chose to be loved to the core of my being
I desire to understand true love
In its most real form
I am tired of lies, half-truths and fantasy
It will be a long life of refusing these sins
Instead I gain everything
In the end I will have all that I need
I will know romance and live a life of being romanced
Which is only every girls dream
The most wonderful thing about my love
Is that he will romance me into my Princes arms
The one he longs for me to marry
Live will be real and no longer a dream
Last night I was a bird
I flew in freedom
Freedom that I haven’t felt
I was up in the sky
Like there was nothing that would bring us down
We never did come down
I am still flying
I am not coming down
I like up here too much
With a new perspective
And a heart that feels so light
You took all that held me down
It is on the Earth
I can see it from way up here
But just barely
No more worries
No more fears
Just pure joy
And everyone can see me
Everyone can feel it around me
Like an atmosphere that I hold
They receive it
And gain the fullness of freedom
It must be experienced, Not explained
I soared through the sky
You holding me close
I will never leave the shadow of your wings
Even way up here you hold me
You watch over me
When no one else can imagine where I am
What I see
Only you have experienced it with me
We are flying
In perfect freedom
Frozen water that floats through the sky
So intricately beautiful
Take a moment before it is gone
To really see every little detail
How can every snowflake be completely different?
When snow is always falling
In massive amounts
Only a creator that makes everything unique
Can even make each snowflake diverse
Just like every human, every flower, and every sunset
They are all so different
Just like every star has a name in the creators mind
I believe every snowflake is different
Because that is my God
Like how he cares for every bird that falls and dies
He cares for you so much more
The detail he put in you immensely outnumbers the detail in a snowflake
He cares so much
So before your breath melts it forever away take a moment
Glaze at a snowflake’s complete individuality and remember yours
To imagine that there are storehouses in heaven
Filled with snow
In my mind I don’t think it is just piles of careless snow
But instead each individual snowflake
All separate and on display
Ready to fall to Earth when told
Our minds cannot even think up every pattern
Our eyes cannot even see every detail
Of every snowflake that falls to Earth
We still stand in awe of every first snowfall
As if we were all children again
It brings that feeling of comfort and familiarity
Of celebration and excitement
That a long lost friend has returned
That is my God
He is the creator of all things different.
Beauty is only skin deep
Skin in not deep
It’s thin and fragile
Instead beauty is deep
Deep inside our hearts
Locked within who we are
We have the keys to find it
To truly find it
We must know the true beauty
The creator of beauty
Who is beauty it’s self
We can’t know true beauty
Without knowing God
Many don’t find it
They don’t know where to look
They are too lost in others ideas
Of what beauty is
Search for beauty I hope you find it
Or find someone who has it
So they can show you where to look
You can’t know a woman without beauty
Its written into our being
The thing that fell at the fall
Satan stole it
He himself was beautiful and lost it
Therefore beauty comes from God
Belongs in heaven
As we belong in heaven
We will only know true beauty in heaven
And get glimpses here on earth
Home. For me my home has changed a few times in my life. Sometimes for the better and sometimes not. I have moved three/four times in the past six years which has been very crazy especially for me, someone who is not very use to change and slowly adapts. I have always lived in Ontario Canada and I love it. I have lived northern Ontario near Ottawa, Southern Ontario near Sarnia and Central Ontario in Toronto and Port Perry and I am moving back to Toronto for college in a few months. I also went on a missions trip to England for three weeks and it feels although I lived there.
So if home is where the heart is where is my heart? I have my constantly thinking about the places I have lived and what kind of impact they all had on who I am and where I love the most and who I miss and where I really want to live someday. I live near Toronto but when I lived there a few months ago at Catch the Fire Toronto church in the School Of Ministry building I think I left a part of me there. It was the most amazing time of my life to date and I always want to be able to remember how much impact that had on me so I can keep moving forward in live and keep pressing into God. Even though I wasn’t in England long at all, I feel like apart of me in still there. I love it there and I hope to move there one day. I feel like I belong there in so many ways and I especially have always loved the idea of living in Europe. I know I will be back there again soon. I know that Toronto will be my home again soon. It is my next step for sure. Ill be going to college for two years and after that to a private makeup school and then a job. I plan to be there for a few years unless those plans change. Sarnia is a place I miss because of all of the amazing friends I left behind. But I know that many of them will be graduating and moving on from there over the next few years and they will become scattered all over the province, nation and world.
I don’t think I can actually call anywhere HOME anymore. Yes there will always be a house in the world with an address I can go back to. I love traveling to much to stay in one place too long. I want to experience this world and see all of the places I have always longed to see. School of Ministry was an international school and I loved those people so much, I can call anywhere in the world home because they are everywhere. I can visit them anywhere and feel safe and secure because of the friendship we share. Home is so many places for me and I quite enjoy that.
I also know in my heart that this is not my home. That my home in supposed to be with God. So heaven is my true home. That is truly where my heart is and where it will stay. Heaven is the only place I will ever be able to call home because that is where my favourite people in the entire world are God Jesus and Holy Spirit. My home is every where I go because they go with me, they guide me and protect me. My true home is with them. My concept of home through out my life will change. I will live many places, travel, get married, have children and hopefully adopt. Just in those few areas there is a lot of room for my idea of home to change. But heaven doesn’t change because God doesn’t change. What really has been making me think about home and who I am and where my home is, is the fact that I have moved and haven’t made any new friends here and knowing that my friends are all around the world starting their old lives again and I am stuck not really doing anything or experiencing much because I am so secluded where I live and don’t have the chance to meet many new people at the moment. I don’t know why I am stuck here but I am. I don’t know the reason for it but God does. My goal is to live in the kingdom on Earth where ever I live and in any situation. Even in the very stuck boring situation I am in right now, if I ever find out the reason for this time in my life I will be very happy and I will enjoy it while it lasts because in times of being bored there are many opportunities to try new things and learn a lot of things I have never had the chance to learn.
Enjoy life. Experience the place you live. And invite God into every part of your life!
I had a conversation with someone and heard a teaching about destiny sometime over the past few months. There has been a lot of talk about destiny and where we think God is going to take us after School of Ministry. One of the most impacting things I remember from this was:
If you can look at your destiny and can do it all on your own without God then you are thinking too small and need to dream bigger. But if you look at your destiny and see it as impossible, then you are thinking big enough because you know that you can’t do it with out Gods help.
This is something that really hit me because I honestly thought that the purpose that God had for me was far too big for me and that it wasn’t for me because I wasn’t able to do it on my own. I realized that God really wanted me to fulfill my destiny with him and that I was supposed to be huge to me but in his eyes it’s not too big. He is bigger than my purpose because he gave me and set this aside for me to do with him. I always knew that God wanted to be involved in my purpose because obviously he thought of it and created it to work perfectly with who I am. This opened my eyes to how much my creator really wants to be with me and how involved he wants to be in my whole life. Sometimes he will give us something that seems impossible because only then we realize how small we are and how much we need our huge amazingly loving God.
God does want us to go to him just when we need help but all of the time. I have always known this and I grew up knowing this but sometimes the values of this world get in my head and puts a lie in. I thought that God would give me my purpose and that would be it and he would leave me to fulfill it on my own. I have been learning that he wants to be desperately involved all of the time in every way.
To most people my destiny doesn’t seem too huge but once you start really looking at it, it is immensely huge and it’s too big for one girl in this world to do. But once you add in Gods provision, blessing, favour, connections and everything else he wants to do you turn out to have something that is completely doable. With God I can do this with out him it is not possible. I know that God will lead me to the right school and education, he will bring the right people, mentors and connections, that he will lead me to the right places and open or close the right doors as they are supposed to. He will give me choice and I will rely on him to still show me the right way. I am on an adventure in this world with the most amazing creative Daddy in the Universe (the one who created it).
If you are curious to know where I think God wants to take me in this world and what he wants me to do. I want to be a makeup artist and to really bless every person I do makeup on. There are many other things but that is the main thing I want to do. I can’t wait to see where I end up. I know it will be an amazing adventure with my creator. He really loves me and has blessed me with a really cool destiny that is really close to me heart. I want you all to dream big you can do anything you want to do in this world. Every opportunity is open to you. My destiny use to seem like an impossible mountain to climb and that wants worth climbing but now I see it as the most amazing adventure with my God. He will take care of me and bless me as I go.
There are a few themes I have noticed over the past four months of teaching at School of MInistry. Some of them are funny things that just happen to come up over and over again during teachings and other things are really important to life and my relationship with God. I have had the privilege of sitting in daily teachings over the past months from different pastors and leaders connected with Catch the Fire Church. They have all been so full of wisdom that they have received from God through out their lives. There are two things that constantly came up. When God brings up something more then once in your life it means it is extremely important. When he brings it up in every single teaching every single day for four months then it has the utmost importance to my life and everyone else who sat in those lessons which was fifty to sixty students depending on the day.
The two things that I noticed that came up the most during the teachers were one everything in life goes back to your relationship with God and our life needs to be centred around that relationship with God because it makes everything better even when things are not good.
Honestly every teaching that was said was directed back to your relationship with God. Some of the things we learned were hearing the voice of God healing, prophesy, worship, evangelism, soaking, journaling flowing with the Holy Spirit and so much more but those are the main points. Every one of these things goes back to how much time you spend on your relationship with God. You need to actually spend time with him because God is a being. He is alive and he wants to be with us that is why he created us. He created us to pour out his love to because he had so much love to give away. God wants a relationship with the people he created and he pours so much more into us when we go to him and want to be with him. He gives us more of his heart, his love, his words to wisdom, and words for people and our selves, he gives us revelation of who he is who we are and what he wants to do. He is a social HAPPY God who wants to be with the humans he created and spent time creating. He loves pouring out his love to those who want to whole heartedly and will go after it as the most important thing they could possibly have in their life.
Its all personal preference as to how much time you want to spend with God and how much time in our life you will make for him. If you want to keep waking up an hour before you need to be somewhere then cool but if it takes you that whole hour why not wake up a bit earlier and spend 20 min - 30 mins and centre yourself with him. your whole day goes better because you are centred in Gods love when you are grounded in that he blesses you so much. If you are the type of person that likes to stay up late then spend that time with him. When you start it and continue it you start to get drawn into God more and more. You can feel his passion and love for you. Life becomes worth living and more full because God fills that deep whole in our lives that only HE can fill. Although we constantly try to fill it with other things that cant take the place of the love that God gives us. He made it to only be fill by him self because he gives us free will to want to be with him.
Everything in my life has to go back to rooting my self in God. Making time for our relationship and centring my whole life around him. I have learned I cant possibly live any other way, his love is way to good and fulfilling. He is so amazing and good to me. He blesses me, constantly pours his love on me, he gives me everything I need (but not everything I want).
He loves me and he honestly loves you with all of his heart. He will seek after your heart your whole life. He wants you. God loves you and Jesus died so he could be with you.
God bless, thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed it.
Living outside of School of Ministry and Catch the Fire (previously TACF and Vineyard in Toronto) is very hard to do. It takes a lot more energy and time. I have been so use to not having to work to be close to God and feel normal over the past few months. Because I have been living in a God bubble and living at Catch the Fire. We are literally living off of the well that is there that has been there since the revival in 94. I understand why so many people after SoM fall away when they leave the environment because if you don’t intentionally practice everything you have learned its so much easier to fall away and get yourself into a whole or depression. There are many things that I am going to need to intentionally keep doing to remember all of these amazing tools I have learned from SoM that are so valuable for everyday life. The things that I have learned are vial to my life now. They all involve spending personal time with Jesus. Like reading his word and meditating on it, soaking and letting him speak to me, journaling and hearing his voice and writing it down and responding back to him, worshiping him and pouring my heart to him, prophetically singing praise to him which is singing what he wants me to sing to him back to him, remembering all of the teaching I have learned. Simply it is spending time with him in all the ways I have learned to do so. To not lose one piece because they are all important. Everything I have learned is so differently important to life. These are thing I cant and desperately don’t want to live with out. To keep anything in life you need to intentionally put the time in to remember it and keep it. I have been having many conversations with fellow school of ministry students about how to live outside to that spiritual bubble. We all know it’s going to be hard and take work but we all want too keep the amazing knowledge we have now. It’s the most valuable thing we have now. The devil will try at the first chance he he’s to steal this away from us because even he knows how important this is. He already tries to take it from us now. Through telling us lies and putting fear in us. Therefore we need Gods love desperately every single day because Gods perfect love casts out fear. We all need to keep going back to God with everything, to hold nothing back from him and ground ourselves in his love. I had an amazing conversation with a great friend today about all of this. She said an interesting analogy which made sense to me the way she put it. What she said was that if I stopped doing makeup for six months then doing makeup again after that would be hard, awkward and I would really have to try to get that ability back, its the same things as not keeping up with the things I have learn at school. If you don’t put the time in you will lose the ability to do it. By the way for me make up is my life. I want to pursue it as a career. If I lost that ability and passion I would lose something that brings me so much life. It is something I am always consciously practicing and learning about. I can’t not because I know what I would lose if I lost that part of me. It’s the same thing if I lost any of the tools I learned at school. I can’t live without God in my life and resting in his love. My life would not be complete. I would be living an un-full life and to me that is not want I want. I want to live in the fullness of heaven all the time here on earth. I am going to consciously keep my head above the water. In this case that is staying so grounded in Gods love and word, resting in his love and soaking, worshiping and prophetically singing my heart to him, speaking in tongues, speaking prophetic words over people and so much more. I need this, I want this, and I am not letting the time and effort I spent on this go to waste.
I am desperately in love with Jesus. I can’t turn back and I won’t turn back because I need him and he is desperately in love with me!
Thank you for reading. If you have any questions or comments please let me know.